some days

Some days the day just moves. It goes at the perfect pace, no faster or slower than I expect it to move.

Today was one of those days. There was time for the beach and grocery shopping. Time for green tea lattes and laundry. Time for reading, baking and showers.

Some days I am organized and flawless. Some days are easier than others.

I know that the days when it matters, don’t usually end up being my some days.

However, I appreciate that on days like this, a little boost of easy made today a some day.

Breathing Easy

I went from work to hang out with Pants tonight. I miss her from college and was excited to just chat, swap stories and calm each other’s angst about the future.

We saw Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 and giggled the whole way through, especially every time Leo was on the screen. Swoon-worthy for sure.

I drove home and was breathing comfortably. I have been reconsidering my career choice and looking for extra work on the weekends and today, finally, I felt like I was moving in the right direction.

Nothing changed, but I felt that for a second I could stop looking to see “what’s next?

Looking at where I am in my life, I am having a good time. I enjoy the days as they come. Pants and I agreed that our problems seem so trivial compared to those of other people my age. Divorce? Moving in with Cesar the Peruvian line cook at Macaroni Grill after three weeks? Yikes. I’ll take a little bar makeout session any day.

Postponed

Does no spark now mean no spark later?

Hurt hurts more

on the other side.

I am sure of that. I have been there plenty of times.

I am worried now. I liked the idea of Hoff and I, but I liked it better when I didn’t know bad kissing was a part of the equation.

I can already feel myself forming the reasons in my head. We can’t do this because he lives two hours away and I won’t do long distance. Been there, done that.

We can’t do this because I don’t need an everyday boyfriend. I did that once too. Turns out I like my life better this way.

We can’t do this because I need passion and a little bit of spark.

Can we just take it slow? Let’s not try to make anything of it? Why can’t it all mean nothing?

I don’t want to lead him on.

sparkless in the darkness

AKA Slow Motion: Part 2

I saw Hoff on Saturday for the Padre game, where we had a great time. I smiled quietly to myself (yes, I usually smile loudly) when after a beer or two, he opened up, talking candidly about his family and his students.

Oh the amount of work it took to get to that point.

We move at different paces. Mine: quick, hurried and always just a little too eager. His: shy, reserved, slow to make a decision, slow to MAKE A MOVE.

I saw him again after he drove two hours to come stay with me in SD. He lives in his hometown and doesn’t have much to do until school starts, so I invited him to come hang out at my place. We went to the beach, out for drinks, and cuddled on the couch. We made out a little bit that first night and the next day were back to platonic pals all over again.

Tuesday day? Fabulous. However, Tuesday night in the sack wasn’t so happening. Kisses were sloppy and fingers were fumble-y (I can hear all of you cringing, thank you very much). There is going to be some major tongue tutoring if this is going anywhere.

The slowness, go-with-the-flowness that I love about him does not translate well in the bedroom. I’m a little more do me up against a wall in a passionate moment, and I’m not sure that thought has EVER OCCURRED to him. I want effing fireworks.

I get that it might just come with time. Clearly- if everything else has taken this long. I mean, I’ve known the guy for 3 years, maybe the sexiness will come in another three.

Patience is a virtue. And me and my sloppy kisses are patiently waiting in the dark.

Swallow

I have strept throat. I think I got it from kissing too many boys. Serves me right.

Slow Motion: Part 1

Last night happened in slow motion. Everything went that way, and I think everything went my way.

Hoff and I are slow. We don’t move quickly about anything, mostly because it’s not his style, and I am too nervous about making him nervous, that I move slow too.

We hung out in the same group of friends in college, except I liked his college roommate. Too bad his college roommate didn’t even look twice in my direction. I started hanging out with Hoff more as we made a habit out of watching football at a restaurant near campus with great pitcher specials. Hoff and his roommate made great pizza and beer buddies. Not to mention, we shared an affinity for the San Diego Chargers, so we always found ourselves cheering for the same team.

I studied abroad somewhere in the middle and returned home with only 4 days of college left. I spent them with my friends, Hoff and his college roommate. We played drinking games and went to Study Hall. We drank and partied and knew it would the last time we would see eachother for a while. We tapped a keg one night, and rallied a group of six to finish it off the next. I ended up on the bathroom floor, and Hoff’s roommate was nice enough to move me to a pile of laundry because our beds were already packed away.

The next night we played King’s Cup on the floor of a friend’s apartment and we tried to stay up as late as possible. None of us wanted it to end, so Hoff and I shared an air mattress and we had a true-to-form slumber party, all of us talking to each other in the dark.

Hoff and I stayed in touch (meaning we have had two or three AWKWARD conversations on the phone about life), and I pestered him to come visit me in between boyfriends.

We never talked about who we were dating, and still don’t bring it up. I don’t think either of us care to know.

I never knew I liked him, until I would get a call from him or a facebook comment and be a little excited he was thinking of me. I flirted with him, but he never flirted back, so I left it at that. I metioned him to Bails, who always looked at me and said, “Ya, cuz you like him.” I looked at her quizzically and said, “How do you know?’ and ever since he has been a crush of sorts.

crushing

I have a few crushes- boys that I meet and keep in the back of my head. Boys that I never admit to liking, but friends always seem to bring it up in a “Ya, cuz you like him” sort of way.

My crushes are all coming out of the woodwork this weekend. Where are they when I really need to get over someone?

Crush One and I met under awkward circumstances, SEEING AS I WENT HOME WITH ANOTHER GUY. I was excited to see him again and my friends knew that going in. He had just taken the Bar and was party-ready. I too was party-ready, had brought a cute shirt to change into, and actually told Shea at some point earlier in the day that I needed to make out with someone for fear that my fabulous hair would go to waste. I showed up looking hot, Crush One and I made small talk, and I let friends engage in their own version of musical chairs in order to position us near each other.

Part of me loves the dance that comes with meeting people. I love the sarcasm, the witty first-comments. I love making people laugh and flirting a little.

And oh how I love jumping in a cab at the last second with three boys, while your friends cheer you on at the curb, hoping something good comes of it.

Crush One and I made it back to his place, left his friends to crash on the couch and messed around a bit. It was fun, easy and carefree.

In the morning he left me to hang out in my own drunk stink (sexy, I am sure), while he showered. I don’t know if he needed to shower or what, but in any other situation, I would have gathered my things, put on my clothes and let him take me home. Seeing how it was so early, however, I refused to get up, and cajoled him into crawling back into bed with me. We cuddled (a little, he really isn’t very touchy?!?) and chatted about anything I could think of.

I did most of the work when it came down to it, with the exception of the bedroom part. I am ambivalent and not really worried if it goes nowhere.

Where is Crush Two, you are wondering? Well, Crush Two AKA Hoff, his brother and I are going to a Padres game tonight and it will be the first time I have seen him since last June.

The back story on Hoff and updates to come.

dualities

I need a double outfit. One that passes during a father-daughter MLB game and one that will wow the pants (literally) off of a little crush that I will be hopefully meeting up with after the game in Downtown SD.

Yikes.

Songs that sing to me

There are lines in these songs that make me rock out in my car, thus making me as completely unattractive looking as possible. Regardless, I love them and sing along every time.

Travis Peery- Cries at Night (Now if only I could get him to sing it to me personally!)

She craves the touch, but hates the fight

and it hurts so much all through the night

I can see things deep down in her soul

she’s got all the parts, but oh she ain’t whole.

I am also reveling in the following:

Metro Station- Shake It

Matchbox Twenty- Hand Me Down

Fountain of Wayne- Hey Julie

Jason Mraz - A Beautiful Mess

Linkin Park- Hands Held High (great workout song, I think)

Cartel- This City Never Sleeps

There are many more, but this will do for now.

PS: New neighbors moved in below me today. Let’s just say I may not have seen them come home, but I definitely know what they sound like when they come (if you get my drift).