because sometimes I forget.
“The silver lining about the guy thing is that it’s better to have
someone show you they want out now rather than not have the guts to do
it and then tell you in three more years. He showed his true colors
and that means you now know that he wasn’t good enough for you.
You’re an extraordinary person, so you deserve to have an equal
partner, not one that has no balls (throwing his infidelity on you).
So in the mean time you get to fun free and the right one will come
your way down the road.
It stings right now, sometimes to the point where you want to throw
up, but we all know it gets better and then eventually you know it was
for the better.
Character building son!!!!!”
He texted and called, and I responded like a normal person.
He always answered so matter-of-fact-ly, that I actually mentioned to Mandy that I was couldn’t get a feel for his sense of humor. He didn’t want to play with me, there was no banter back and forth, and that was red flag #1.
So we scheduled a date over the phone, and I mentioned that I lived downtown, and I listed a few places I go every now and then and few of my favorite parts of town, and he didn’t seem to know about any of them. In fact, he had never been to whole neighborhoods within San Diego, and he GREW UP HERE. Red flag #2.
We settled on my choices, because he kept saying “I like to do something on a date” and “We can’t go there, there is nothing to do.” Hmm, wonder why? Well, I don’t.
Date night started out with a brisk walk from my apt, to a bar to buy tix to a local comedy show (I paid), followed by appetizers at a restaurant nearby. I had to WAIT for him to order a beer, before I finally said, “I am getting a Sierra Nevada, do you want a drink?”
We swapped likes and dislikes, career and family info, and he ordered sweet and spicy shrimp as an appetizer. I am not kidding you, I literally watched him choke these down. Apparently he doesn’t “like” spicy food, it upsets his stomach, and he flinched with every bite of shrimp. They were covered in the goopiest, sweetest sauce, that wasn’t the least bit spicy- and homeboy couldn’t hack it.
We grew up in San Diego, home of the dirty taco shop in a strip mall, and this guy was trying to tell me he doesn’t like burritos. Burritos - God’s gift to drunk people. I was starting to think all he ate was WonderBread.
Then I mentioned I was up for a job in SF and it would be really cool to get it- “Great for my career,” I explained.
And his face dropped. Like I just told him his cat died or something equally as tragic.
So I continued on about how I didn’t know if I could get it, and how the interviews were practice, and how I just excited to see what came of it.
And his face stayed like that.
And I ignored it. Until I just couldn’t any longer. I said “Are you okay?” and he muttered something about everytime he meets someone they leave.
So, I ignored that too, and chatted on, relieved we had a comedy show in our future. The conversation never got slow, but I was a bit exhausted from pulling a lot of the weight.
Case and point: We chatted for a bit about our favorite items at Trader Joe’s. He said he really enjoyed this green juice drink, I raved about instant frozen rice that was perfect in three minutes.
His reply: “You know rice is bad for you, right?”
And all I could think was, “Hey, nitwit. I didn’t tell you if it was white or brown. Plus, what-the-eff- do you want me to do with that comment?” Great conversationalist, this one.
So I giggled about it being brown rice and we moved on. I wasn’t even going to argue a point, should I have cared to think of one.
I beat him at finishing our respective drinks, and I was sipping mine… slowly.
I let him pay for apps, drinks, and my suffering.
Here is the thing with Therapists: You have to like them, to want to talk to them, and to feel like all the information you are spewing isn’t going into a big black hole.
I don’t think I will ever be best friends with mine (thought I would want to be, are there rules against that?), but I leave there after ever session feeling recharged, rejuvenated and armed with realizations and tools to truly make my own life better each day.
When you find a good one, they are life-changing. When you have the wrong one, it feels unsettling, like you lost the last piece of a 500 piece puzzle.
What I watch when I am feeling broken-hearted, lonely, bored or they are better on TBS.
- Sex and the City
- The Proposal
- Going the Distance
- He’s Just Not That Into You
- Notting Hill
Better on TBS:
- The Notebook
- Maid in Manhattan
- The Wedding Planner
- Runaway Bride
- How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
- The Rookie
- What a Girl Wants
- 10 Things I Hate About You
- The Prince & Me
- Now and Then
I met a boy at Trader Joe’s.
I had taken a day off in order to go camping with friends for my birthday. I was parked in front of Trader Joe’s where I grew up, and after running to Ralph’s, I attempted to reorganize all of the camping gear in the back of my truck.
He walked towards me between two passing cars, and suprised me. I said hey, mostly as a reflex. And he asked what I was doing.
I was packing my car for a camping trip with my friends.
He asked if I did this often, I said no, with a little giggle.
I asked if he was from around here, and he said yes.
He asked if I wanted to hang out sometime, and I said sure.
He stood there looking blankly back at me, before I asked him if he had his phone, and he muttered something about not doing this often…
We chatted while I packed my car, then demanded he help me load the ice into the coolers if he was just going to stand there.
I was excited about my new prospect & that I got picked up in the parking lot. Way random.