moving mountains with teardrops

today could have easily played a huge part in a series of events that I will come back to me, as I look back to pin point where it all went wrong.

I am sitting in the dirty shoebox, which is where they send little boys and girls when they misbehave (also known as my bedroom in the new place.) It is an unfinished room, with one blue wall, and basically has enough space for one full size bed and no natural lighting.

I was an emotional wreck today, basically a mix of feeling grateful, taken advantage of, and too chicken to speak my mind.

Happy Tueday everyone.

Chime in for crazy

Hi. While most of you are off gallivanting through the Chicago bars… I can tell you one thing, if I was there I would be drunk by now, begging for drunk food, and probably hitting on Ben (yes, I realize I am not exactly his cup of tea)… I am here, in San Diego, still contemplating crazy. Fortunately for you, when the crazy reaches an all-time high, the blog posts roll out with astounding regularity.

We are going to play a little game. It is called Chime In for Crazy, and I would like you all to comment or post back if you think I am not crazy, or rightfully going crazy due to the following scenario:

Refuses has a cousin. This I understand. I like family, family is good.

No crazy yet.

Refuses is best friends with this cousin. Great. I like friends too. They keep you entertained when I’m hanging out with my own.

No crazy yet, could actually be considered a plus to his overall character.

Refuses’ cousin flew in from Canada (where said cousin lives) to see him graduate college. Perfect. Family support. I’m all about it.

Still no crazy.

Cousin stays for two weeks. Hmm, seems a bit long, but maybe they don’t get to see each other often. Wouldn’t want you to overstay your welcome though.

Cousin is a girl. Interesting, definitely adds a twist to the story, but they are cousins, right? eww.

My understanding, logical, rational mind is still intact.

Girl cousin is 35. Wow, that’s odd… I meant old… I meant odd. Odd. Shouldn’t she have a life to get back to or something? Two weeks with a 25 year old dude cousin seems strange.

Crazy starts here.

Old Girl cousin is married. Whew. I was getting worried there for a second.

Not only is old girl cousin married with a life, but she has a three year old daughter, and is a stay at home mom. Way Weird. Do Mom’s usually leave their kids for two weeks at a time?

Wait, it gets better.

Girl mom old cousin frequently discusses her and her husband’s sex life/lack there of with Refuses. Totally normal, right? I didn’t think so.

Girl mom old cousin has also made scrapbooks featuring Refuses and herself. They are prominently displayed in his room, with the other (as in, more than one) framed photographs of her.

Girl mom old cousin and Refuses take naps together -IN THE SAME BED- in his room during her stay.

Did you hear my blood start to boil?

To top it off, Girl mom old cousin is undeniably hot.

This is me, jealous, and all the sudden not feeling so crazy.

And just as she was ready to leave, ( I, of course, have been ready for her to leave since she arrived) she changes her flight to stay 3 more days!

CHIME IN IF I’M NOT CRAZY TO BE A LITTLE WEIRDED OUT?

home redefined and an additional mind fuck

I don’t come home everyday to bug you. I don’t walk through the door and ask how your day was so you can give me that “wow, you are annoying” look. I wasn’t plotting on the way home how I was going to piss you off tonight, and when I left my dishes in the sink this morning it wasn’t to simply piss you off.

I didn’t pack anything before you got home because I knew you expected it, yet your “You got far while I was at work, thanks” comment still warranted a “you’re welcome.” We get along great except for all the times you forget that NOT EVERYONE IS EFFING LIKE YOU. It doesn’t bug me that the knives are in the wrong slot, or that there are clothes on my bedroom floor. Frankly, you are the only one that has a problem with it, the only one that decides it is annoying- So don’t tell me to make an “executive decision” on something small, because we both know I wasn’t asking for me. If you could chill the eff out, my sanity would appreciate it.

My life’s goal isn’t to annoy you, so stop mistaking the way I live my life as simply getting in the way of yours. I wouldn’t dare waste my time, plus I am sure you would disapprove.

End of Rant, part 1.

Girl movies really mess with my head. Girl movies that analyze girl thinking about boys with boys also analyzing girl thnking are a million times worse.

He’s just not that into is great, frank, and relatively entertaining. But, holy hell, if there is ever a girl move to make you feel lonley, that is it.

End of Rant, part 2.

net worth

I have been evaluating my worth over and over again. I know, what the fuck am I evaluating? I am fucking awesome, the best anyone will ever get. But really I think mostly about whether or not if I am being an adult; if I handled that situation with class; if I approached it a different way, how would it turn out. I wish I could have a little more faith in each of my little actions, and let them all come together in one functional thread of thoughts and actions. I want to see me in your eyes and I want me to be sparkling and flawless- put together in all the times I feel like I am falling apart.

oh and I am looking for a therapist in San Diego. Clearly. *ahem*

Vegas

Travelling with 4 girls to vegas as we speak. I know this is only one weekend before most of you meet up in Chicago. I’ll have you know I would loved to have gone, but in the end Vegas would be cheaper.

Now if only understanding had a currency.

I would be rich because it feels like you guys are my people; like you get me better than most.

I hope no matter where our adventures take us we come back here to share them.

mother knows best

I have a bone to pick with mothers in general. More importantly, I have a bone to pick with people that think that their mother did it best. Their mom’s way is the only way to load the dishwasher or make spaghetti. The only way to grill a hamburger or the right way to bleach a sink.

DID YOU NEVER STOP TO THINK FOR A SECOND THAT THE WAY YOUR MOM DID IT MAKES NO SENSE?

Everyone does things differently, and one person’s mom isn’t going to be the best at everything. Sure, she might grow the best tomatoes, but her sense of style sucks. So when you say that you do it that way, because your mom does, know that I am going to be looking for ways to do it better. We like the way our mom’s do things because it is the only way we know how. So don’t get mad at me or assume I am doing it wrong, because my way doesn’t match yours. You can’t annoyed at me or take over, because your mom isn’t here.

I love my mom. She does some things very well. But she isn’t good at everything and I feel like you thinking your mom is, is a smidge naive on your part.

Simple as that. And don’t even get me started on your Dad.