grace in small things twenty

oh lordy.

1. no one at work catching my mistake.

2. loving my job.

3. the leftover bottle of twin fin pinot grigio. Saved me from drinking gross chianti.

2. the prospect of getting my bangs cut. Simply the idea of getting these cut is amazing. Let’s hope it happens, as they are unruly.

1. the memory of kisses. I am living off ‘em.

wart away

So I can’t believe I haven’t told this story yet. Holler if you find it in my archives.

So I was in love once; I mean more than once, but this once.  Real so we thought we were going to get married love. Young love.

I sacrificed for him- and when I ended it, I thought I was (honestly) going crazy.

I cried for months. Talked to myself in my car for months. Didn’t get over it for months.

Then one day I did. I was ready to have him leave me alone, although he never really left me.

He had warts. They were on his fingers, and grew around his fingernails (eww. cringing as I type.)

And he was always picking at them and they were crusty and weird.

I, on the other hand, had never had a wart in my life, and looked on in awe at their propensity to never go away, and to pop up in the oddest places.

So you can imagine my surprise when two days after he and I break up, there is an odd little bump on my elbow. Hmm. Maybe it will go away?

Apparently, ditching a bf will earn you approximately one wart.

So the wart grew to look more warty, and I kind of grew to love it because it reminded me of him. It was a little piece of him that was mine, that would stay with me forever.

Turns out, forever was short lived. Because last Monday, the day Refuses and I were prepared to break up, I blow-dried my hair, and noted the smoothness of my elbow in the mirror.

My Him wart was gone. Which makes sense. He was around when I needed him, and when I didn’t anymore, he took his cue and left me alone.

Maybe it measured love come and gone, but as far as I am concerned, it was a sign to show that I was done. Done with Him, and done with Refuses.

Missing you

Because I miss you already and you are right next to me.

Black hole

He loves Space more than me, and I have never been more sure of that than now.

bookworm

an Amazon order is in my future. Suggest a book?

The Gift of Fear

Their Eyes were Watching God

The Things They Carried

Let My People Go Surfing: The Education of a Reluctant Businessman

Born to Run

Groundswell

on the other side

So first of all, I created my bucket list (see this amazing one) of sorts, except it’s my Not Too Busy list. Enjoy. Suggest things for me to add. Tell me what is on yours.

Second of all, I am here, looking down the barrel of a breakup. I think I am okay, so far. I think I can do this. I can already feel the crazy coming back. It is like someone put the IV drip back in my bloodstream, and I can feel the sad and the crazy building.

On the flipside, I am so excited to be in control. I can’t wait to get the parts of my life back that I neglected. The gym, my nails and my self-discipline have all been neglected. Not to mention my bathroom that hasn’t yet been unpacked and my bedroom that has shit all over the floor. There are blogs to read and television series to watch. There are happy hours and long slow runs to catch up on.

It’s a two-sided coin. I’ll soon be on the other side.

Let’s hope we can keep the crazy to a minimum.

chicken

I’m a chicken. I couldn’t have the conversation with my roomie I promised myself I would have tonight.I was going to be an adult, not bottle every conversation up and let it eat me alive, but rather say “hey, you know I think there are a few things we need to talk about.”

But I didn’t because I was too scared of the result. To scared she would be mad at me, not scared at all that she would say no.

So tomorrow I am going to convince myself that having her mad at me won’t be the end of world. Tomorrow is the day.