grace in small things twenty four

I am feeling lucky, and happy and maybe a bit hungover from a crazy-ass weekend.

5. Thankful that UCSB taught me to play beer pong very well. It is a skill that has impressed the male-sort on many occasions.

4. I only barfed once this weekend. So thankful, because it could have been much more than that.

3. Pants went out of town. All the good shit goes down whenever one of my closest friends leaves. Strength in un-numbers?

2. We are throwing a Halloween party and my bee costume fits!

1. My sister kicks ass, and she’s got the body to prove it. She completed a 20 day backpacking trip with her boyfriend. I would say hanging out with your BF for twenty straight days would kill you, let alone doing it in the wilderness and hiking 15 miles a day. Plus, she lived off of shitty camping food they carried in and was basically hungry for 17 days.

in between the eyes

I am always surprised how “work, single, fun me” and “work boyfriend me” are so inherently different.

In the middle of the day, Work single fun me is focused on my career, willing to do what it takes, making plans in the back of my head for what I am eating for dinner or where I am working out.

In the middle of the day, work boyfriend me is focused on my career, willing to do what it takes, checking my cell phone for plans that night.

Both I like. Both work. Both don’t really have an impact on my work, my career. I have been able to resist mushing personal and work, and that is how I like it.

The me I have a problem with, is work ex boyfriend moving on me, who is focused on my career, willing to do what it takes, but gets drowned in a mindful of fog the minute the ex resurfaces. I am so surprised a message (a FACEBOOK message nonetheless! PISS OFF!) from him at this stage, in the middle of my focused work day, can render me useless for a minute or two, as though I was tazered with all of our memories.

The last couple of weeks- I have been happy work single fun me and loving it. Then a message paralyzes my progress for a moment and all of the sudden, even if for a split second, my feelings for him stop me from working. It is as though my kid sister just punched me right between the eyes. My thoughts are blurry, and my head returns to evaluate choices from relationship issues that have long since been laid to rest.

I hate that he can have that affect on me. I love that his pull will fade over time.

you don’t have the right

to thank me for being the best girlfriend ever. PISS OFF!

You, on the other hand, have the right to do whatever you want and you can tweet about it.

fighting words.

I want the will power to visit my mom and not get in a fight. I want the will power that when she screams, I respond calmly and don’t fight back.

I want the will power to not disagree when it really doesn’t matter.

A big sigh of relief

I went to sleep last night at 7:30 pm, and woke up feeling like myself again.

I went to workout (and got my ass-handed to me by an awesome instructor) this morning.

Today I am going to hang out with a group of girls I hung out with before Refuses made an appearance, and I can’t wait to have fun with them again.

I am moving on today, demanding my old life, my old me back, and getting out of this funk.

From here on out I will be working out like I used to, eating like I just worked out, making plans like they are all mine, and living like my heart has never been bruised.

my new mantra

repeat after me: if he wanted to, he would call.

What it means: He hasn’t, so he doesn’t.

My interpretation: I need a rebound so me muttering “God, I miss you so much” stops repeating itself in my head.

read something awesome today.

First this- Saving the World’s Women. It appeared in the New York Times. I know it is long, but holy hell, it is important.

Then this. If you don’t read her blog- start now. Career advice you can actually stand.

End with this. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Creepy, interesting, and I would have finished it in one night if I didn’t have to work the next day.

grace in small things: twenty three

5. girlfriends.
4. going out with girlfriends.
3. baking for girlfriends.
2. dinner with girlfriends
1. Really appreciating the fact that they love you, and they probably won’t ever leave you.