pulling teeth

29 Apr

not really pulling teeth, but the lady was pulling at my teeth. And sanding them and covering them in sour goop.

Today, I went to the orthodontist. To have my retainer fixed. No joke. And I promise I am not a twelve year old boy that plays with army men.

It felt the same as all the times I went when I was younger. I still hate staring at the bubbly ceiling tiles, and I hate the way the sander screams in your mouth. I was still scolded for not wearing my retainer at night; which at this age is clearly a conscious choice.

And I almost blurted out, “You can’t wear your retainer to bed, when there is a boy sleeping with you.”

And then I remembered. I don’t even have that excuse. It seems like my bed hasn’t seen a boy in a while (maybe since the last time I wore a retainer?) Maybe now that they are adjusted, fixed and fit perfectly, a boy will glide into my life, as fast as I can pop out my orange and pink sparkle-y piece of stinky plastic (also not a joke.)

I think I just discovered a new metaphor for my singledom: retainer-wearing equals not getting laid.

I’ll let you know when I trade in my superstar patient status for fabulous morning sex.

Oh how I long for the day when I will find my dusty retainer under my bed, with someone else new and exciting in it! And at least it’s not head gear!

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2 Responses to “pulling teeth”

  1. sanya April 29, 2008 at 5:44 pm #

    dear god, i haven’t worn my retainer in forever. i don’t even know where it is. i’m sure my orthodontist would stab me in the face if he knew. and i never wore my headgear, either.

  2. Nat May 1, 2008 at 10:58 pm #

    Man, I hardly ever worn mine. Never did the constant wearing thing cos I didn’t want to lisp all day ha ha. Sometimes I feel bad so I will chuck it in but I think it’s a bit late now. Anything that was going to move prob has. Eh..they are still straight and thats all that matters.

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