pushing the envelope, no postage needed.

14 May

Unfortunately, I deleted a number of hilarious emails in a serious spring cleaning bout over the weekend. Fewer emails equals less brooding.

But, I will recount one for you.

I received an ecard from C. (yes, I know, stupid. But hey… like the entire relationship is above ecards? I think not).

It read: I was much happier being in denial.

I replied something along the lines about it being perfect for the situation, puke, ugh, puke (all while being fantastically charming), where did you find it?

C.: It was under a new section labeled Fucking Asshole, Complete Douchebag, Gun-Toting Right Wing Mother Fucker (which were the names I had bestowed upon him at the wedding).

Me: Well-Played. I didn’t think you had it in you. I had heard someecards.com was going to try to cater to their best customers. In fact, they called me and asked for suggestions. Keep a lookout for “Don’t make fun of my spanx, I’ve seen your man panties” and “I’m sorry your firearm doesn’t compensate for your lack of balls.”

He replied: Don’t push it.

I countered: At least now I know where “it” is.


2 Responses to “pushing the envelope, no postage needed.”

  1. alexa May 14, 2008 at 10:24 am #


    spanx and man panties. spanx and man panties.

  2. busypretending May 14, 2008 at 3:10 pm #

    He never really warmed to me referring to them as man panties. Baffling, I tell you.

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