Brothers are better than boys

10 Jun

Dear Brother,

I am writing to tell you that I need you today. I need you to look at me and tell me that it will be okay. That this is going to happen to me time and time again and every time I will pull out of it. I need you to tell me about how you loved her and it just didn’t work out, and I need you to tell me how one day you found her. I need you to tell me that the near misses make you stronger and the devastating disasters make make it worth it. I need you to tell me that me getting this upset over this means that time on your own is what you need. You were doing so well before, you would say. Why do you let all of you go when a boy walks in. Hug me and tell me that there is too much to love about me, you are probably just making his head spin. Tell me that one day there will be someone that makes you feel so complete that the entire world just stops and you will know. Tell me that even then it will not be easy, it never comes easy and there will still be waiting and uncertainties and everything you hate about this in the first place. Tell me that even when I am certain, the shitty parts don’t stop. Tell me that I am lucky to have had him walk into my life because each new visitor is a new lesson. Tell me that over time you add all of the lessons to a little place in your heart, and one day your heart will be ready for someone. Maybe not even someone, one day your heart will be ready for yourself.

He will say, I know it seems like you can’t do this again, but this is a little bump in a very long road. There will be just as much excitement in the next one, and you will not be timid. You will love it, just like you loved it before, and you will be okay.

This much I know, he will say, there is no life without love, and there are no highs without lows. You may never know why he didn’t call, but you will know that you are strong enough for this. You can do this.
Don’t be scared, he will say. You and your sister are smart, beautiful girls, who don’t put up with any shit. Any boy who deserves you will work for you. Please don’t be scared. You are amazing. I talk about you girls all the time to my friends, I am so proud of all that you do. You are making a life for yourself, and this is just one of the things that is a little harder, than say, paying the bills.

Thanks for listening, I will say.
And he will say hey, that’s what brothers are for.


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