Have I told you yet about the great underwear curse?
Ya, I know, but I semi believe in jinxes, and this one hits a little too close to the hipbone.
So, I didn’t think anything of it until I was dating C. and we had gotten to the stage where we were seeing each other regularly enough that I was soon going to be repeating panties. Heaven forbid. Of course, I had been wearing redos on the nights I knew they would come off in a dark drunken haze and no one would know they were neon blue striped. I had also been saving the cuter ones for nights when we were not so ravenous and a little less drunk or for the nights we barely made it in the house, let alone out to dinner.
Valentine’s day quickly veered in my direction. So I ponied up (not too soon, either- It was definitely February) and bought some lacy panties. I even threw down the bones for a matchy bra and underwear set. Just the right amount of lace, in colors that would be suitable for other occasions, and didn’t make me look like I was covered in the pink frosting from a sprinkled Lofthouse cookie.
It was almost as though walking to the cash register was the equivalent of turning in my relationship card. One swipe in the name of underwear will cost you approximately one potential boyfriend. And no amount of clapping will bring him back to life.
No sooner than three days after my purchase did I receive my notice of dumpification, via email.
No big deal, right? Except that I dated a guy in college and purchased this super cute tank and tanga set that was never worn, because we broke up a short time later. To top it off, I feel weird wearing lingerie with a person it wasn’t necessarily purchased for. While I eventually get over that for fear of having to purchase new lingerie with each new man, I still haven’t worn my pre-Valentine’s Day purchases.
And then there is was Bear. And me in desperate need of everyday undies. I happened to be at a downtown mall, where the only GAP BODY exists within 20 miles of my life. I have a habit of scouring thier sale bins, because there are usually some pretty good finds. I even thought to myself, as I took my 12 dollar purchase up to the counter, “Should I really be doing this?”
Sure enough, no more than one week later, I am comfy in my new chonies, unhinged about an unreturned phone call.