douche nugget

26 Aug

also known as a little nugget of douche, douchwad, buttface head, and you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Today I went running, as you very well know. I was excited about it; in a good mood, in fact.

I was running along our lovely 8 ft. wide cement path that wraps through a park on the bay and along the coast. It doesn’t really ever end and is populated with runners, bikers and Rollerbladers traveling in both directions.

I was running on the right, about a foot and a half away from the edge, minding my own business. The path tonight wasn’t too crowded. I was rocking out and enjoying the sunset.

I had hit my stride and looked up. None other than Douche Nugget himself was running trotting toward me. His Muscle Milk manliness took up a good amount of space, and his tapered sweatpants begged to be returned to the eighties. Oh and his heels didn’t touch the ground. Dude, lose the sweatpants and buy some fucking tights if you want to be a fucking ballerina.

Weird though, that’s not really what phased me. What made me cock my head to the side was the fact that he was RUNNING ON THE LEFT.

WHAT?

Get this: HE WAS RUNNING ON THE WRONG EFFING SIDE.

Then, Douchey McDoucherson had the balls to wave ME off to the side. Like “Uh, Hi, You’re in my way” only he didn’t say anything. Instead he shooed me away with a simple hand gesture…. that looked a heck of a lot like A HANG TEN. I GOT WAVED OFF BY A HANG TEN? The guy didn’t even have the decency to use 2/3 of his fingers. Motherfucker.

So I shot him a “You’ve got to be kidding me” look and ran around him. Why? Because all of that oozing douche could have been contagious.

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3 Responses to “douche nugget”

  1. Ben August 27, 2008 at 1:52 am #

    Douche nugget is my favourite new term

  2. LivitLuvit August 27, 2008 at 5:00 am #

    GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! You should have refused to move at all. I totally play chicken with idiots walking around the streets of DC- listen, you effing tourist in an “FBI shirt” with a camo vest and crocs, walking 5 abreast on the sidewalk so that those of us WHO ACTUALLY LIVE HERE AND GO TO WORK SOMETIMES EVEN can’t get around you!

    Asshats.

  3. busypretending August 27, 2008 at 7:11 am #

    Ben- Glad I could be of assistance.

    LivitLuvit- I hear you. I was going to plow right into him, but I knew I was the one that would end up laid out on the concrete.

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