Hope & a Handgun

11 Nov

I am hoping for your sake that you are happy. I am not sure I would be in your situation, but then again, I am not you. I know you didn’t get to choose, and you made a commitment, but please know that sometimes you get to consider what you need to be happy. Would you be there now if you had known then?

If you took making him happy, because it makes you happy out of the equation, is there anything that he does that makes you happy? And if you could choose to live without all of those qualities, would you choose the ones that he displays the most?

Is he everything that you wanted him to be? As you move to stand on your own, and he gets bigger and stronger and more hateful by the day, will your stance make him move? Will he wince in pain, or cause you hurt? Are you strong enough to let him go?

Can you tell me if you need me? Can I let you go if you don’t? I will be here as you blossom, but remain tethered to him. Does it feel like life, or does it feel like letdown? Are you in there, alive and well? Or are you pushing things aside, day by day, hoping they will go away?

Please, close your eyes, and think of the life you would have. You would be you, living your own stories instead of his. Running, your way. Loving, your way. Caring for others, aloud and in the open. Will you cry with me when it doesn’t work out?

Can you leave the pain and the hate? Does it look like that to you?

Or does it just look like marriage?

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