same stress, new cycle part 1

3 Aug

I am stressed out, approximately every 14 days. Every two weeks I am freaking out about when I am going to get paid- And I have a steady job with a steady income.

I know this sounds crazy to some people, especially those who don’t have jobs, but I am not going to pretend to understand what you are going through, because I can’t, and I wouldn’t know where to start.

Yesterday I cried for the first time in my life over money. My adult financial situation.

Ya, Ya, people my age bitch all the time about how we don’t make enough or a “so broke,” but yesterday I said, out loud, for the very first time how much money I owe. And then I cried.

I cried because every last cent of money owed is money I have actively spent. Sure some unfortunate things came up, but the money wasn’t mine to spend and I did anyway. Every latte, every lunch, every night out was I choice I made. Every necklace and every vacation or weekend trip.

It is no one’s fault but my own.

And no one can fix it but me.


4 Responses to “same stress, new cycle part 1”

  1. sanya August 4, 2009 at 3:47 am #

    wow. i relate to this post very well – too well. and i don’t even have a job! money owed SUCKS.

    • busypretending August 4, 2009 at 8:34 pm #

      Sanya- Don’t charge ANYTHING if you don’t have to. I swear!

      Julie- thank you for making me fell a little less like a complete fuck up. Times are a changing… and I am making forward progress on this debt. PS: I could not be happier for you and the man.

  2. Julie August 4, 2009 at 9:46 am #

    We all find ourselves at that point once in our lives and then we never make the mistake again… it’s a good life lesson. I’m sorry it’s your time. Next month I’m paying off the last of my 12K debt from 2003 and I feel my life will change.

    Just cut back on everything – you’ll learn that you can live without a lot of stuff. Cut coupons, have friends over, eat before you go out, get creative.

    Again, though, I’m so so sorry you’re there. You’ll make it through it, it’s just going to be a rocky Starbucks-less road.



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