blow to the chest

4 Aug

I forgot what it feels like to have an ex.

I know that sounds crazy, as I have clearly demonstrated through these posts how much they each stay with me, haunt me.

But today Refuses posted a pic of himself dancing with this girl on facebook. And that was hard to swallow.

I cared. Lots. Enough to cry.

Enough to be thankful we had broken up, (holy hell if we were still together…heads would roll)

Enough to remember what it felt like. Just enough to knock the wind out of me.

I spent all this time trying to not get hurt. Trying to protect myself, trying to act like it wasn’t a huge deal.

And here I am, and all I can think about is Refuses- my brand new, ex boyfriend. It has just begun to sink in.

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2 Responses to “blow to the chest”

  1. moardy August 5, 2009 at 11:49 am #

    I know words like this don’t mean much – but hang in there!

    • busypretending August 7, 2009 at 5:20 pm #

      Thank you! – that means a lot. Funny how things never seem so bad a few days out, like- hey, maybe I’ll be okay.

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