in between the eyes

26 Sep

I am always surprised how “work, single, fun me” and “work boyfriend me” are so inherently different.

In the middle of the day, Work single fun me is focused on my career, willing to do what it takes, making plans in the back of my head for what I am eating for dinner or where I am working out.

In the middle of the day, work boyfriend me is focused on my career, willing to do what it takes, checking my cell phone for plans that night.

Both I like. Both work. Both don’t really have an impact on my work, my career. I have been able to resist mushing personal and work, and that is how I like it.

The me I have a problem with, is work ex boyfriend moving on me, who is focused on my career, willing to do what it takes, but gets drowned in a mindful of fog the minute the ex resurfaces. I am so surprised a message (a FACEBOOK message nonetheless! PISS OFF!) from him at this stage, in the middle of my focused work day, can render me useless for a minute or two, as though I was tazered with all of our memories.

The last couple of weeks- I have been happy work single fun me and loving it. Then a message paralyzes my progress for a moment and all of the sudden, even if for a split second, my feelings for him stop me from working. It is as though my kid sister just punched me right between the eyes. My thoughts are blurry, and my head returns to evaluate choices from relationship issues that have long since been laid to rest.

I hate that he can have that affect on me. I love that his pull will fade over time.

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2 Responses to “in between the eyes”

  1. mmbanana October 6, 2009 at 3:15 pm #

    I know that feeling! One of my exs sent me a facebook message last week out of the blue!!! SAME effect. Ugh.

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