where I am now

5 Oct

I am here, in today, and worked out and sang and made fabric-covered buttons. FABRIC-COVERED BUTTONS.

I was driving today, and I realized that it was the first time in a long time that I had said out loud “I miss him.”

Instead of being sad or disappointed that the thought crept up, I was excited that so much time had past, elated that the thought made me realize how proud I am of myself.

I may not have loved him outwardly, to my friends or family, but I showed him time and time again. The opportunity presented itself to be special to someone, to be my best self for myself and for someone else. AND I DID.

Reluctantly, but I did. I came around. I was hurt too. I didn’t go, I stayed, and I was me the whole time.

He may not have been forever, but I didn’t really need him to be. I need me to be me forever, and right now, I really like that person.

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6 Responses to “where I am now”

  1. IntrigueMe October 6, 2009 at 8:49 am #

    I am so happy you wrote this post!! I remember feeling like this when I broke up with my fiance. This was the point where the anger started to subside and I really started to move on. Good for you!! It won’t be long now!

    (P.S. It also really helped to continuously tell myself “I rock.” or “…because I’m fabulous”. ha ha)

    • busypretending October 6, 2009 at 9:26 pm #

      Thanks for liking it and thanks for breaking up with someone you almost married. Makes mine seem pitiful by comparison… although I am not sure how that makes you feel 😉

      only kidding 🙂

  2. IntrigueMe October 7, 2009 at 8:22 am #

    Ha ha- it’s all good. I am greatful every day that I didn’t marry that fool! Live and learn!!

    • busypretending October 7, 2009 at 10:05 pm #

      Thanks for the sense of humor… I was scared that was going to come out wrong. And OMG thank you for reading and commenting. LUV it!

  3. Meghan October 7, 2009 at 7:02 pm #

    Hi,
    I just wanted to say about how nice it is, to read this. my boyfriend and i just broke up a few days ago. i am still, well. sick with it. reading your blog has given me a sense of hope and camaraderie. you are awesome.

    • busypretending October 7, 2009 at 10:19 pm #

      Ahh my dear, everything will not be okay or fine. And you may just lose your mind. But there are hundred of girls, in every part of the word that get through it, one day at a time, and come out SO MUCH BETTER on the other side.

      Two to read:
      Free and Flawed: http://freeandflawed.com/2009/09/17/get-over-it-2/
      This Fish: http://thisfish.ivillage.com/love/ – just start at the very beginning, her stories are amazing.

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