like last time.

22 Oct

The last time I chatted with an ex, I eventually slept with him and that was the end of that. That was the end.

Now, chatting with Refuses is just so painful, but doesn’t hurt enough to stop, because I want it so bad. Deep down, I want him to want to talk to me.

And it doesn’t really matter if I’m not the one starting it, or if I’m the one keeping it out of flirting territory, because I am the one enjoying it and I will enevitably be the one getting over it. solo. alone. without refuses. In my sweatpants, with my girl movie, and an extra season of Mad Men.

But I can’t help myself. I just want to talk to him. Want to see if there is really anything left there.

What I don’t want- is to be his entertainment in the meantime. His person until he finds the next one.

I don’t want to be around for when he is lonely or sad, and without any other girl to make him happy.

Rather I want to be the one he goes to make him happy, over all of the others.

REPEAT AFTER ME: I am the rule, not the exception. I am the rule, not the exception.


One Response to “like last time.”

  1. sanya October 23, 2009 at 3:55 am #

    You are definitely not the exception. This is terrifyingly hard – I know, because a situation like this was like a rite of passage for me – and you will get through it. You will! And everything will work out in the end.

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