my new conditioner, smells like man shaving cream, and I could not be more pleased. My hair now smells like boy, everyday, and I am stoked on it.
I have a bone to pick with mothers in general. More importantly, I have a bone to pick with people that think that their mother did it best. Their mom’s way is the only way to load the dishwasher or make spaghetti. The only way to grill a hamburger or the right way to bleach a sink.
DID YOU NEVER STOP TO THINK FOR A SECOND THAT THE WAY YOUR MOM DID IT MAKES NO SENSE?
Everyone does things differently, and one person’s mom isn’t going to be the best at everything. Sure, she might grow the best tomatoes, but her sense of style sucks. So when you say that you do it that way, because your mom does, know that I am going to be looking for ways to do it better. We like the way our mom’s do things because it is the only way we know how. So don’t get mad at me or assume I am doing it wrong, because my way doesn’t match yours. You can’t annoyed at me or take over, because your mom isn’t here.
I love my mom. She does some things very well. But she isn’t good at everything and I feel like you thinking your mom is, is a smidge naive on your part.
Simple as that. And don’t even get me started on your Dad.
first of all… There are two twelves. Who is running this ship? and how come no one told me?
5. All the clothes have been hung in the closet with semi-care, in hopes that a boy would come heat up my bed.
4. Ramen. Because those noodles are oh-so-good and Spicy Vegetable is the hardest flavor to find.
3. Thank goodness for sick being a fabulous excuse to not work out. Oh, how my nose would run if I attempted to run.
2. Sara Watkins. I saw her sing a June Cash part in a duet at a concert on Tuesday. TO DIE FOR.
1. Being in bed before 12 am tonight because I am tired.
bonus: clean sheets- because I sweated my way through them three nights in a row thanks to a ravishing fever and some fabulous cold sweats. My mind has never been so confused and my bed has never been wetter. Sad, I know. Or good if you are thinking that I meant peeing in my bed. I don’t pee in my bed.
Oh and can someone please remind me to shave my legs tomorrow? Here’s the thing. I am really effing good at being single. So good in fact, that I pretty much only “remembered” to shave my legs on nights I was feeling ridiculously randy and thought I may get lucky, or..Wait, no that’s about it. -And I don’t get lucky that often.
I also have never dated someone that lived less than an hour away, so the “hey, I’m just going to pop in so we can sleep in the same bed situation” never happened to me. Until it did. And oh, holy hell, was I unprepared. Fortunately, it is now a bonus for Refuses when I remember, but ohmygod, my college girlfriends are going to kill me when they find out… and how the hell did I forget (more than once?)
Gross. I am officially pulling my girl card for good.
5. egg sandwiches.
4. tracking on packages. C’mon scarf & necklace- get here already!
3. Roommates who make their own decisions. If only I could be like you.
1. Being able to pay rent.
Lord knows I am not a perfect roommate, but holy hell there are a few things I think everyone should know (and be aware of, and practice…)
Dawn does not go in the hand soap dispenser. two different soaps. for two different purposes. and don’t even get me started on the fact that they were two different colors.
No one ever taught you how to load a dishwasher? oh and while we are on the subject of the dishwasher, it is not magic. it is a dishwasher. it cleans with hot water and steam. Your crusty-ass dishes come out dirty, because you put them in there REALLY dirty. It’s not rocket science.
Caphalon pans also don’t belong in the dishwasher. Neither do Teflon pans. Not unless you want to be eating cancer in 4 months.
Replace the TP and Refill the Brita.
If you take out the garbage, you have to replace the trash bag. Half-assed effort doesn’t count.
Don’t use my towel. ever.
The cutting board doesn’t clean itself. Especially after you let tomato seeds cake to it.
What were you, raised by wolves?