I like you with him. I think that you two have something good going. I have never seen you answer your phone so many times in a day, and you entertain his conversation and his jokes. I like you with him.
It seems comfortable in a way I am not sure you are ready to admit. He seems so in awe of you, so charmed, and we both know that is just how you like to be seen.
You have earned his affections, and your friendship over the years has built a trust between the two of you that no one else can understand.
He has had it hard. Made tough decisions, and been in bad situations.
And you knew him then.
But you also knew his heart. You didn’t ever seem to expect the unexpected, but when he grew strong you were the first to acknowledge his change.
He doesn’t seek your approval, but I am sure he appreciates your honesty, your humility and your friendship.
I like you with him.
Your dedication to a friend in need, a friend in fun, and a friend no matter what, makes me proud to be your friend.
You are the most genuine example of trust and dedication, and your unfailing dedication to your friend makes me happy and honored to have you as a friend of my own.
There is nothing lonelier to me than crawling into half of my bed, with the other half piled high with clothes and items that don’t have any reason to be pushed to the floor.
At the same time though, I have never been more fulfilled when I am hanging out with my girlfriends. There is this understood hope, an invisible strength that keeps us going.
I keep having to remind myself that with friends as good as ours, and my family, I am pretty much set to tackle anything.
That is where I am finding my strength.
I feel like I have my friends back. And for the first time, I felt like I am not the only one that sounds ridiculous when you get dumped.
That’s the thing though, about being dumped, or left, or brokenhearted, you get a free pass (or 15). You get a free pass to cry in a crowded restaurant, to commandeer the conversation with stories about how great things were.
You get a free pass to eat ice cream on the couch, to not save face, over and over again. You get a free pass to expect ridiculous things from someone you know better than anyone else, from someone you know would never do those things .You get a free pass for all of those hopeful thoughts.
You get a free pass and you dont really have to use them wisely, but rather, irrattionaly.
You get a free pass for all of the time you invested and for all of the love you gave. You get 15 free passes for all of the hurt that you never thought you would be in.
And you get a free pass for figuring out your life, because right now you dont really need to. Just figure out yourself.
And just know that for all of those free passes, one day, you will be done and you will have realized that you moved on.
Just don’t hold your breath.
I am feeling lucky, and happy and maybe a bit hungover from a crazy-ass weekend.
5. Thankful that UCSB taught me to play beer pong very well. It is a skill that has impressed the male-sort on many occasions.
4. I only barfed once this weekend. So thankful, because it could have been much more than that.
3. Pants went out of town. All the good shit goes down whenever one of my closest friends leaves. Strength in un-numbers?
2. We are throwing a Halloween party and my bee costume fits!
1. My sister kicks ass, and she’s got the body to prove it. She completed a 20 day backpacking trip with her boyfriend. I would say hanging out with your BF for twenty straight days would kill you, let alone doing it in the wilderness and hiking 15 miles a day. Plus, she lived off of shitty camping food they carried in and was basically hungry for 17 days.
I went to sleep last night at 7:30 pm, and woke up feeling like myself again.
I went to workout (and got my ass-handed to me by an awesome instructor) this morning.
Today I am going to hang out with a group of girls I hung out with before Refuses made an appearance, and I can’t wait to have fun with them again.
I am moving on today, demanding my old life, my old me back, and getting out of this funk.
From here on out I will be working out like I used to, eating like I just worked out, making plans like they are all mine, and living like my heart has never been bruised.
4. going out with girlfriends.
3. baking for girlfriends.
2. dinner with girlfriends
1. Really appreciating the fact that they love you, and they probably won’t ever leave you.
So first of all, I created my bucket list (see this amazing one) of sorts, except it’s my Not Too Busy list. Enjoy. Suggest things for me to add. Tell me what is on yours.
Second of all, I am here, looking down the barrel of a breakup. I think I am okay, so far. I think I can do this. I can already feel the crazy coming back. It is like someone put the IV drip back in my bloodstream, and I can feel the sad and the crazy building.
On the flipside, I am so excited to be in control. I can’t wait to get the parts of my life back that I neglected. The gym, my nails and my self-discipline have all been neglected. Not to mention my bathroom that hasn’t yet been unpacked and my bedroom that has shit all over the floor. There are blogs to read and television series to watch. There are happy hours and long slow runs to catch up on.
It’s a two-sided coin. I’ll soon be on the other side.
Let’s hope we can keep the crazy to a minimum.