Tag Archives: humor

try dating boring: part two

23 Aug

Read try dating boring: part one

 

 

He texted and called, and I responded like a normal person.

He always answered so matter-of-fact-ly, that I actually mentioned to Mandy that I was couldn’t get a feel for his sense of humor. He didn’t want to play with me, there was no banter back and forth, and that was red flag #1.

So we scheduled a date over the phone, and I mentioned that I lived downtown, and I listed a few places I go every now and then and few of my favorite parts of town, and he didn’t seem to know about any of them. In fact, he had never been to whole neighborhoods within San Diego, and he GREW UP HERE. Red flag #2.

We settled on my choices, because he kept saying “I like to do something on a date” and “We can’t go there, there is nothing to do.”  Hmm, wonder why? Well, I don’t.

Date night started out with a brisk walk from my apt, to a bar to buy tix to a local comedy show (I paid), followed by appetizers at a restaurant nearby. I had to WAIT for him to order a beer, before I finally said, “I am getting a Sierra Nevada, do you want a drink?”

We swapped likes and dislikes, career and family info, and he ordered sweet and spicy shrimp as an appetizer. I am not kidding you, I literally watched him choke these down. Apparently he doesn’t “like” spicy food, it upsets his stomach, and he flinched with every bite of shrimp. They were covered in the goopiest, sweetest sauce, that wasn’t the least bit spicy- and homeboy couldn’t hack it.

We grew up in San Diego, home of the dirty taco shop in a strip mall, and this guy was trying to tell me he doesn’t like burritos. Burritos – God’s gift to drunk people.  I was starting to think all he ate was WonderBread.

Then I mentioned I was up for a job in SF and it would be really cool to get it- “Great for my career,” I explained.

And his face dropped. Like I just told him his cat died or something equally as tragic.

So I continued on about how I didn’t know if I could get it, and how the interviews were practice, and how I just excited to see what came of it.

And his face stayed like that.

And I ignored it. Until I just couldn’t any longer. I said “Are you okay?” and he muttered something about everytime he meets someone they leave.

So, I ignored that too, and chatted on, relieved we had a comedy show in our future. The conversation never got slow, but I was a bit exhausted from pulling a lot of the weight.

Case and point: We chatted for a bit about our favorite items at Trader Joe’s. He said he really enjoyed this green juice drink, I raved about instant frozen rice that was perfect in three minutes.

His reply: “You know rice is bad for you, right?”

And all I could think was, “Hey, nitwit. I didn’t tell you if it was white or brown. Plus, what-the-eff- do  you want me to do with that comment?” Great conversationalist, this one.

So I giggled about it being brown rice and we moved on. I wasn’t even going to argue a point, should I have cared to think of one.

I beat him at finishing our respective drinks, and I was sipping mine… slowly.

I let him pay for apps, drinks, and my suffering.

flo rita?

16 Apr

So the dance party last weekend inspired me to download some hip/hop and R&B in hopes that I end up with some songs that I can’t help but move to. That and my workout playlist has been very uninspired as of late.

So after downloading the likes of Bon Jovi, Van Halen and some Journey (because, after all, who can’t shake their bootie to that?), I took a peek at the iTunes Top 40 list for Hip Hop.

Um, I live on this planet. I watch trash television like the The Hills and The Real Housewives of Orange County, and I can sing along to a good number of songs played on the radio, daily. I am not out of it. I promise.

However, I cannot pick out the likes of Weebie? Soulja Boy, however, I do know.

So when I was scrolling the list, I asked my roommates, “Do I need anything by Flo-Rida” except I pronounced it as RI-TA. As in Rita was going to sell me a banana?

Then my roommate’s bf, just looked at me and busted up laughing. Somehow he managed to say, “It’s Flo-Rida” as in rider.”

hmm. That makes a lot more sense. I am an idiot. I will keep you posted on whether or not I actually enjoy this Flo Rida’s tunes.

Guilty Pleasures

24 Mar

So, apparently, I am a little behind. I was watching the season finale of The Hills from last year and I am shocked! I cannot believe I was so far behind. I had no idea Heidi left Spencer.

Then my roommate laughs at my gasps of disbelief and says, “I can’t believe with all of your Perez Hilton and stuff you are so behind. This is pop culture.”

I love that The Hills is pop culture! Hilarious!

three way

22 Feb

Last night I had a three way phone conversation on skype with my mom and my sister. It was hilarious and everything I loved about being happy and being a family. Sad how those moments strike me as being so few, but my parents bring with them a heightened stress level. It is not every day that I get to enjoy them as people and friends and confidants, instead of parents.

In an sad attempt to set up my mom’s skype, while talking to her ON skype, she shrieked at my suggestions. I can only imagine her eyes darting around the desktop, “green bubble? I see a green bubble, but its next to your name, not your sister’s”

me: ok, what does it say in your contact list next to her name?

mom: um, where’s my contact list? I see file, edit, view

me: Mom, its the thing with the bubbles!

After spending what felt like days finding my sister’s contact info, I was trying to confirm she had the right name for my sister by having her identify my sister’s icon:

me: mom, what do you see?

mom: it says melbourne, austrailia…

me: do you see a hamster?

She lost it. I mean she completely flipped out in only a way my mother could: A HAMSTER!?! what do you mean? A hamster, no I don’t see a hamster? You mean, like a RODENT?”

me: ya, with a carrot?

mom: a carrot? what do you MEAN a carrot? where is the hamster and why is there a carrot?

Insert sister via conference call. I relayed the story via chat while we were talking to my mom. My sister died laughing. Then my mom caught on because my sister can’t type quietly. Busted. just like the old days.