Tag Archives: sex

grace in small things: five

30 Jan

5. really liking sex. Some people don’t. I do.
4. Clean towels (and omgipickedupthepileofclothesonmyfloorandwashedthem!)
3. Anticipation of a beer milkshake or beer cheesecake (I can’t decide!)
2. Having a reason to shave my legs… and actually remembering to do so.
1. The down mattress pad on my bed. Oh how I love you so!

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pulling teeth

29 Apr

not really pulling teeth, but the lady was pulling at my teeth. And sanding them and covering them in sour goop.

Today, I went to the orthodontist. To have my retainer fixed. No joke. And I promise I am not a twelve year old boy that plays with army men.

It felt the same as all the times I went when I was younger. I still hate staring at the bubbly ceiling tiles, and I hate the way the sander screams in your mouth. I was still scolded for not wearing my retainer at night; which at this age is clearly a conscious choice.

And I almost blurted out, “You can’t wear your retainer to bed, when there is a boy sleeping with you.”

And then I remembered. I don’t even have that excuse. It seems like my bed hasn’t seen a boy in a while (maybe since the last time I wore a retainer?) Maybe now that they are adjusted, fixed and fit perfectly, a boy will glide into my life, as fast as I can pop out my orange and pink sparkle-y piece of stinky plastic (also not a joke.)

I think I just discovered a new metaphor for my singledom: retainer-wearing equals not getting laid.

I’ll let you know when I trade in my superstar patient status for fabulous morning sex.

Oh how I long for the day when I will find my dusty retainer under my bed, with someone else new and exciting in it! And at least it’s not head gear!

numbers game

8 Mar

After talking to my sister, and drawing on my own experience, I have decided the numbers game never ends up well. No matter how it comes up or at which stage in a relationship you are in, your numbers are best kept private. In a world where we put everything out there to be found, the number of people you have slept with is still secret and a little taboo.

Regardless of which end of the spectrum you are on, the end result is never good. While we would like to think you are better off knowing (otherwise, how did you get to the point where the question was addressed?), nothing can be established from the conclusion. That conversation is a novice mistake only to be made once.

So why even go there?