Tag Archives: stress

a really good therapist

21 Aug

Here is the thing with Therapists: You have to like them, to want to talk to them, and to feel like all the information you are spewing isn’t going into a big black hole.

I don’t think I will ever be best friends with mine (thought I would want to be, are there rules against that?), but I leave there after ever session feeling recharged, rejuvenated and armed with realizations and tools to truly make my own life better each day.
When you find a good one, they are life-changing. When you have the wrong one, it feels unsettling, like you lost the last piece of a 500 piece puzzle.

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hornier than thou

5 May

Lately, I find myself thinking about what it means to be a woman, a good amount of the time.

And here’s why:

I am hornier than my boyfriend. and it’s not the first bf I’ve had a “bigger appetite” than. (Fortunately, he is very accommodating.)

I need a raise and am too scared to ask. So I keep running tapes of “Women get paid 74 cents for every one dollar a man works” and “Men get paid 25% more than women for doing the same job” over and over in my head telling myself that I don’t want to be another statistic.

I, officially, now, one day a week, dread putting on make-up and “getting ready”. But after being so gross at swim all day Saturday, the last thing I want to do is come home to curl my hair.

I know these are all based in stereotypes, but my own thinking about them makes them valid, at least in my head.

Is there anything on your radar lately that makes you feel more or less, like a lady?

years of misfortune, and a hint of opportunity

29 Mar

hey there,

Drum Roll please? (I would do it myself but I have no rhythm ((which is not good for giving BJs, or so I have been told))

I got the job! I will be teaching little kids how to swim this summer. While I won’t be making a ton o’ money, or working a ton o’ hours, it should help out just enough to ease some of the financial strain I have been harboring these last couple months.

But it was/is/forever will be in the name of paying off my debt, and I have already paid off $1,575.00 buckaroonies since January. Strain for gain, people, strain for gain.

And while I gained a little part-time gig on the side, my dad lost his big paying job that supports the whole family, two houses and helping my other sister finish college to layoffs and this shitty economy. And frankly, people, I am not taking it that well.

After months (years?) of hearing about the tanking economy, getting my dream job in the middle of it, and thanking god that it hadn’t really touched me or my family, here we are, smothered in second jobs and layoffs.

My dad deserves better, and has a strong-enough network that he should be back on his feet in no time, but I am sad for him. He was doing so well, for us and his wife, and he seemed to be pretty content with his life.

He takes care of so many people (myself included), that I just want the best opportunity possible to come from this. To explode out of the shit hole that is this economy and sweep him off his feet. I wish for him, a happy prosperous future, full of love and work and all-together happy.

mathey-sort

9 Feb

Refuses is of the mathey-sort.

and I am of the debty-sort.  I would like to think in  a perfect world, I could impress him with my google doc budgets and cash flow reports, but let’s face it- I have $125.00 until Feb. 25 and can’t figure out how to pay my rent and my credit card in the same pay period.

So when Refuses helped me make a budget (whosehorriblyeffedupideawasthat?), and I was notified of my impending doom that is my financial situation, positive outlook on life is not what came to mind.

Turns out the running shoes, clothes, perfume, magnets, and fabulously sexy valentine’s day lingere is going to have to wait.

Looks like I better add a stinking tab to that spreadsheet and title it “Wishlist.”

blah.

same stress, new cycle part 1

3 Aug

I am stressed out, approximately every 14 days. Every two weeks I am freaking out about when I am going to get paid- And I have a steady job with a steady income.

I know this sounds crazy to some people, especially those who don’t have jobs, but I am not going to pretend to understand what you are going through, because I can’t, and I wouldn’t know where to start.

Yesterday I cried for the first time in my life over money. My adult financial situation.

Ya, Ya, people my age bitch all the time about how we don’t make enough or a “so broke,” but yesterday I said, out loud, for the very first time how much money I owe. And then I cried.

I cried because every last cent of money owed is money I have actively spent. Sure some unfortunate things came up, but the money wasn’t mine to spend and I did anyway. Every latte, every lunch, every night out was I choice I made. Every necklace and every vacation or weekend trip.

It is no one’s fault but my own.

And no one can fix it but me.

I’m not a navigational genius.

25 Mar

I cried, I flipped out, I was yelling at myself in my car. I was lost and late on my way to meet up with a client in the NAVY. He navigates for a living. I spent an hour and fifteen minutes trying to get myself to a flipping Starbucks.

Thankfully my dad bailed me out with google directions via phone, after I yelled at him. Gotta love that guy.

I need an iPhone. Thomas Bros. does not cut it.

I can’t believe I thought I could be on The Amazing Race at one point.

I called it a day and went to the beach. Cheers to that.

sleepy

16 Mar

Hell week is oh-so-over. After some much needed recovery (sleep at 9 on Friday and sleep at 5 on Saturday), I basically slept through any hope of festivities. I watched two movies and had an errands galore-filled Sunday. I am hoping this week I get to start on the right foot (or the left foot?).

Have I told you yet that I don’t know my right and left? A little bit of me for you to enjoy.